Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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