(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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