She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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