Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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