I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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