I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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