think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
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All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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