high people should be assigned attendants
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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