We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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