It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Terrible idea I love it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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