how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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