There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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