i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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