oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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