there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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