U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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