She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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