yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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