I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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