Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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