I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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