Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize