Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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