some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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