Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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