Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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