One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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