last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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