Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize