Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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