I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She needs sedatives and a leash
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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