I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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