I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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