some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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