actually, I'm a sock model
In the future we'll all be gay
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
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He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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