just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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