id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she peed on how many people?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize