Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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