She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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