I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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