no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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