I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize