Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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