he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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