So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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