she woke up with a sticky ear
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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