i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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