She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize