I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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