I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize